Charisma: The Charming Side of ADHD
AcademicAlly, LLC: April 24, 2024
As AcademicAlly, LLC marks Amazing April, we highlight the many gifts that come with having ADHD. This week, we home in on resilience and grit.
According to The Oxford English Dictionary, the word charisma means “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.” We all know someone who fits this definition. The flight attendant who not only goes out of his way to set a the standards of safety, but who charms his passengers with his humor and wit as he engages in the pre-flight safety shtick and his delivery of the in-flight snacks that everyone knows are enough to satiate only a small mouse. The history teacher who holds his students to a high standard of performance but excites his students about learning with his real-life applications and a genuine interest in their wellbeing beyond the confines of his classroom. The kid who has struggles mightily to overcome the challenges that come with her inattentive-type ADHD, but who comes to every class and every club meeting with a smile on her face and a willingness to participate. There are many silver linings that come with ADHD, and one of the least known is the charisma of the students who live with it every day.
I have worked with hundreds of students who are working to establish a healthy relationship with their ADHD. Most of the time, my work begins with a defeated and angry individual who struggles to believe he will ever rein in his neurodivergence. But no matter how defeated these kids initially are, they are so incredibly charming and likable. Sadly, most people who interact with these kids overlook these qualities, and I understand why. Their parents are depleted and fear their children will never make it as independent, functioning adults. Their teachers have tried every trick in the bag to reach these kids and nothing is working. Their peers don’t have the emotional bandwidth to understand that their neurodivergent friends’ behaviors are not reflective of their feelings for their neurotypical peers. Rather, their impulsivity and disorganization are just the companions of their ADHD. As their coach, I get to scratch beneath the surface and see a version of these kids that no one else does. What a treat that is!
Here’s the thing:yes, these kids are difficult to connect with. It’s hard to have conversations with a kid who is literally bouncing off the walls, unable to give more than 20 seconds of eye contact before they are scanning the room. It’s frustrating to read those emails alerting you to yet another late assignment, when all Junior has to do is use his assignment book to track his work. But despite all the bumps and bruises, there is an amazing kid underneath that hot mess, and this is my effort to pull back the curtain and show you how charismatic these individuals are:
Conversationalist:
I have engaged in the most fascinating conversations with so many of my students. As we have mentioned in previous blog posts, our ADHD students are very knowledgeable about a multitude of issues and topics in part because of their tendency to deep dive into these areas. They are adept at presenting the facts and explaining the topic and relevant issues in a way that won’t alienate their audience. They are cognizant of when they are losing their audience to confusion and patiently take the time to explain their thought process in a manner that enables the listener to get back on track and rejoin the conversation. This ability to engage in meaningful conversations opens these kids up to a wide variety of activities including speech and debate, speaking engagements, and networking opportunities. Their professional future looks bright as they will charm any boardroom or the partners of their law firm.
Disinhibited:
Kids who have ADHD frequently lack inhibition, and this in and of itself poses its challenges. However, there is a silver lining to this quality in that it enhances the individual’s strong social skills. These kids are more willing to engage with others, despite any apparent differences of race, religion, or opinion. They are more willing to share their ideas and their true personalities because they are less self-conscious. This transparency lends itself to being more open and genuine with others, with less concern about being judged. (Don’t forget that judgement is a regular component of their daily lives, so many individuals who live with ADHD have already developed a thick skin when it comes to the opinions of others.) Ultimately, this can pave the way for richer and more meaningful relationships with others. They are also willing to take risks that others may not be so enthusiastic about taking. These individuals tend to be entrepreneurial and go on to create successful business ventures or establish solutions to problems whose solutions have tormented generations of professionals who preceded them.
Compassionate:
There may be no more compassionate individual than the individual who has had ADHD as his lifelong companion. While he may not share the identical experience of struggle with those around him, he most certainly understands what it means to fight for a place at the table. These individuals are good listeners, and they will sit and listen to their peers tell their tales of woah until the wee hours of the night. Their experience with adversity has armed them with a stockpile of effective problem-solving strategies which they generously share with their troubled friends. Many of these kids have learned (the hard way) the importance of self-advocacy, and I have personally witnessed my clients literally escort their friends to the appropriate source of help so they can get the assistance they need.
I love my students. While others are charming in a superficial way, these kids are nothing short of authentic. What you see is what you get. They repeatedly remind me of the goodness and potential that lies within each of us. Despite the challenges they have faced and, in many cases, continue to endure, they don’t let these difficulties tarnish the beauty that lies within them. If you ever have the opportunity to scratch beneath the surface of that tough exterior, I promise you a trove of treasure awaits you.